Saturday, January 27, 2007

If I lay here...

Saturday morning is food shopping day for me in First Life. I was just leaving the deli when a song came on the radio:
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I teared up, in a good way, as I do every time I hear "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. Whenever I hear that song, I think of Patrice.

Four months ago, on September 27, 2006, Patrice and I discussed our relationship. We'd known each other for barely three weeks, a long time in Second Life but still not very long. We agreed on some ground rules having to do with both FL and SL. In the end, we plighted our troth, as they used to say. Patrice went to the Second Life web site, and a marriage proposal showed up in my e-mail. I had no hesitation in accepting. Our in-world partnership was formed.
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

When I joined Second Life, I didn't really have a plan. I just wanted to see what this virtual world was like and what living a virtual life would entail. I leaped at the opportunity to have a second life different from my own. I met people and made friends. I learned some building skills. I worked out my basic appearance. I went to clubs. I went shopping. I had sex. I made love. I got my heart broken.

I had no idea when I joined what I was in for, the kind of self-discovery living in SL would allow. I knew things about SL before I joined, but experiencing it is so different from reading about it. I did know about love and sex and partnerships, but I did not think these would become such a large part of my time in-world.
Those three words
Are said too much
they're not enough

During our time together, Patrice and I have had our share of, well, let's call then learning experiences. We have laughed, cried, caused hurt, been hurt, made up, and gained insight. We have had noisy times and quiet times. We have talked about so many things. We share our Second Lives. We love passionately.

Some people's SL relationships turn into FL relationships. This sort of thing has been happening with chat and e-mail and online forums for many years. Patrice and I agreed from the start that our relationship was in SL. We each have FL partners. We each have first lives. We have our e-mail lifeline, but basically we rely on Second Life to allow us to be together. I think that's why I get weepy from time to time, seemingly for no reason. To paraphrase Quebec singer Luc de Larochellière, La seconde vie est si fragile.
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

My first life isn't perfect, but it's very good. I feel blessed. My SO and I have a deep and abiding relationship. I'm pretty happy. Second Life, especially an SL relationship, can sometimes be painful. Sometimes, it stirs up things that are difficult to deal with. Why the heck do I need that? Because the joy far outweighs any pain, and the growth opportunities are to be embraced, not avoided. And not only do I have a second life. I have a second love. How weird and wonderful is that?

Happy four months of partnership, Patrice. May there be many more to come.
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

1 comment:

Patrice Cournoyer said...

Darling that is a very moving post. Love you TMD.