Innocence lost

Last night, Patrice and I ended our partnership. There were a lot of reasons for it, which I will not go into here. I will only say that it was me who had the reasons. It's me who said I couldn't go on. Patrice was not in the same place, and as a result, I hurt her terribly.

People thought we were an exemplary couple, and for a long time we probably were, although that was a lot to live up to. Our partnership was never perfect, but when difficulties arose, we talked them out. We didn't run away, and we didn't have huge drama. I know that a lot of people looked up to us. Hopefully, they can still look up to Patrice for having tried to continue as we had done. Hopefully, they will not look down on me too badly for having lost the ability to continue.

We had a period of serious difficulty. She recovered from it. I didn't.

When I first started Second Life, I had little idea of what to expect. Everything was new. As I discovered things about SL, I discovered even more about myself. SL isn't a game, or at least never has been for me. It's an exploration.

I was still pretty "young" is SL terms when I met Patrice at Cala's party on September 8, 2006. I had only just been introduced to the other side of my bisexuality by Tatsuko. I was drawn to the idea of partnership, but still unsure. Patrice and I came together quickly, weathering the trials of a new relationship, which are all the more difficult in SL, an environment in which it's difficult to build trust. We partnered on September 27th, considering that our engagement, and we were married on October 13th before family and friends.

Patrice has always been more SL-savvy than I. I learned so much through her. I met so many people. I was introduced to new experiences. She made a wonderful home for us on the beach at Iron Fist. I don't think I ever was able to reciprocate in the same way. Hopefully, I brought something else to our relationship—love, devotion, empathy, and some amount of interpersonal skills. We were good for each other. We made beautiful love together. We laughed and cried and shared. We grew together for a long time in SL terms.

Lately, we had grown apart—different priorities, different interests, different ways of looking at SL. Patrice was making the effort to overcome the difficulties. I had lost the will. I don't know why. It wasn't a lack of love for Patrice. I think it has something to do with my current difficulties with SL, and that's due to a lot of changes in my first life.

First life must always come before SL. It's weird and wonderful that the things I'm going through in first life have a lot to do with SL. But they take a lot of effort. In the process, I've lost something in SL. I would like to get it back, but I'm not sure how yet.

I'm so grateful for the past year that I've shared with Patrice. I'm sorry for the way I've hurt her, sorry for what we've lost. I hope she thrives in both SL and first life. I hope I get back to that as well.

Be well, my darling, now and always.